Why Byron Is Unpopular
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: An explanation why Byron is unpopular. It's pretty much a rant against him, so if you like Byron and don't want to hear bad things about him, don't read.


Why Byron Is Unpopular

In Canalcave City there lived a man. He was about forty, with dark red hair and stupid coal mining hat. He had a son that may have been dorky but was cute, and he was the gym leader of Oreburgh City.

This man had a gym, too. The Canalcave Gym. His name was Byron, and he was a gloomy character. He was ugly, yet strong, and he had an odor of brimstone all the time.

One day as he was chopping wood Roark came to visit him. With a heavy force to the ground, he sighed. " Roark, I've been wondering...why do not have a nice Sinnoh gym leading girlfriend ?! "

" Uh, cause I hate Gardenia, Maylene's thirteen , Fantina is a fanatic over ghosts, and Candice dumped me for Volkner. "

" Well, why are you dating that southern bell girl Whitney for ? She's one of the worst gym leaders in Johto, right after Bugsy ! "

" Why did Mom leave you ?! "

Byron blushed. " You know what ? I have no idea. "

Roark fiddled with his glasses. " I know why. You told her that she was a bitch and slapped her ! Plus, you have a drinking problem ! "

" Hey, you can shut the f--k up ! I can stop whenever I want ! "

" You have Hepatitis ! "

_" So ?! "_

Roark sighed. Byron scratched his head. " Roark...why am I so alone ? I'm a good guy, aren't I ? "

" Well, you are the most unpopular gym leader of Sinnoh. "

" I am not ! That Lucha Libre guy sucks, too ! "

" At least that Lucha Libre guy _does_ stuff ! Dad, you're the guy that no one wants to be around as your friend. You're a womanizer, a drinker, and an old - school guy that listens to the bands of the 1940s. "

Byron started sobbing. " You're right ! I _am_ unpopular ! I should just live as a hermit ! "

" Are you drunk again ?! "

" Yeah. Yeah I am. "

" Whatever. I'm going to go to Sunyshore. I have an air hockey match with Volkner. Bye, Dad. "

And so after Roark left Byron was left outside with an axe. He dropped the axe and went inside his house. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and started to write.

_" Gym Leaders of Sinnoh._

_It is brought to my attention that I am unpopular. Why is that ? My son thinks it's because I'm a womanizing old alcoholic, but he's a little bastard and I never pay attention to him_ (even though he is a fellow gym leader.)

_So, if you can please write back, I will know._

_Sincerely,_

_Byron of Canalcave City. "_

He mailed the letter at the post office and waited by drinking and watching M rated porno tapes.

The next week he got a response.

_" Byron of Canalcave City,_

_You are unpopular for many reasons. You have been this way since 1982. And we have each listed our reasons :_

_Roark - You drink and you call women hos. Gardenia - You smell of brimstone and vodka all the time.  
Maylene - You tried to touch me in wrong places a couple of years ago.  
Crasher Wake - You burned my underwear in college.  
Fantina - You always make fun of my ghostie pokeemoun. Candice - You have that stupid shovel with you all the time.  
Volkner - You slap every woman's ass._

_In addition, we have other reasons from other gym leaders._

_Whitney - You criticize my boyfriend - your son - and call him an asshole.  
Jasmine - You smack the nuns.  
Clair - You peed in my yard. Pryce - You cheated me in that one poker game.  
Flint - You burped in my face.  
Giovanni - I just plain hate you, dickhead.  
Winona - You set Skarmory on fire !  
Misty - You kicked Azurill.  
Orange Crew - You called our league gay._

_Well, that last reason was true. They are gay._

_Anyway, this is why you are unpopular. And why everyone freaking hates you. No hard feelings, but you're banned from your position._

_Sincerely,_

_The Gym Leaders of Sinnoh. "_

Byron crumpled up the letter and started crying. " I see now ! Nobody is my friend ! _**I HATE MYSEEEELF ! "**_

**BANG !**

(Byron) - X.X

And this was the story of a man named Byron and why he was so unpopular. Some say he hung himself. Some say he died getting chased by police for a D.U.I. Others say he choked on his own snot. Whatever the case , we really don't care, because Byron was an asshole.

End


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